Overall, I don't think about myself as a fat girl. I get ready in the morning and sometimes I get bummed at my limited clothing options b/c of my weight gain, other times I don't think about it at all. But when I see recent pictures of myself I get very depressed. I have one from my graduation party (which also made me realize how bad my dye job was, but that was an easy fix!) and one from a recent family gathering. I see my face and feel it looks large, my arms are very big, and I can't even go on about my stomach and legs. Looking at those pictures makes me feel bigger than when I'm getting ready in the morning.
It's it a demented perspective, or is it just b/c in pictures we can see ourselves how others see us, which is totally different than looking in a mirror?
Of course, if I were to stand in front of the mirror without clothes, I'd feel huge, but I notice my stomach before I notice anything else. It's such a mental block for me, to look at myself. I don't want to dislike myself or be disgusted, but I am.
Another obstacle has been energy. Yesterday I did NOTHING. I ate very poorly. And I've felt tired a lot this last week. I bought some (sugarfree) Redbull this morning, but I don't want to rely on that. However having no engery makes it hard to want to exercise at all.
Obstacles
Trying to balance academic life with a healthy lifestyle.
3 comments:
"...in pictures we can see ourselves how others see us..." I hate pictures of myself for that very reason. When I look in the mirror, my eyes can be selective, skipping over the parts I'd rather not notice. When I see a picture, I see it all, and I'm always surprised: I look that chubby? My face is that fat? So, I know how you feel but I don't know what to do about it!
I hate looking at old photos too. I start scanning them for every flaw.
You should consider taking Super B-Complex vitamins. They really help with energy.
I could have written this post - in fact I was thinking of doing just that. I was just in my brother's wedding and...let's just say I was not bummed to discover the photographer didn't include me in very many photos. The ones I saw made me feel not that great about myself. Ugh.
Post a Comment