I think the corollary to my recent revelation that I view exercise and healthy eating as punishment and deprivation is that I view inactivity and eating yummy, tasty, fattening foods as rewards. And I'm very, uh, liberal in what deserves an award. Sometimes it's fair - like a holiday or the day after I complete a major task. But often it's just that I applied for a job or two that that day (which is so much a part of my days recently that this barely counts) or that something irritating happened and I need to "unwind".
In other words, when you hate exercise and healthy eating like I do, it's very easy to find excuses not to do it.
This post started because I backed out of my workout yesterday due to the heat. This sounds sort of ok except that one of the two running options for a workout was swimming which, the last time I checked, wasn't hot. Instead I chose to do a bunch of other things right after I left work including eating dinner so that when I actually had free time to swim I was full and too tired.
I really just don't know how to change my attitude and make a committment to this.
I haven't totally explained it all here - but I'm in the middle of a grueling job search (> 20 apps so far, very few interviews). My job is ending on August 31 and as far as I can tell, I won't have a new one at that time. So I'm facing a short period of unemployment which for a single person with some debt and truly no savings (and a family that can't really help out either) is absolutely terrifying. Everytime the phone rings I panic. Everytime one of my back-up plans for September doesn't seem to be working out I sink into a depression. Everytime I try to write the paper I'm supposed to finish before I leave the lab I feel hopeless. I definitely won't be able to afford my apartment and I have to give up my two kitties that I love, but no one I know can take them. So - this is a tough time in my life.
What I've been trying to do is thinkg that I should be exercising and eating healthier so that I can have at least one thing in my life that makes me feel good? But, sometimes I think instead that maybe it's unreasonable to be trying to make a big change in my life right now when I'm already going through so much? Ugh.
Tags: Obstacles
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9 comments:
Oh, betty, I'm so sorry, especially about the kitties! (That would KILL me.) I do know a lot of the stuff I read says that it's very hard to make these changes in the midst of life turmoil (moving, divorce, changing jobs) and that you should cut yourself some slack during these periods. I think it's great to think about exercise and eating healthily as good things you're doing for yourself, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work right now - you have to be good to yourself!
Betty: I'm sorry you are having SO much stress right now! That makes me eat worse and neglect exercise, too. One thing I've found helps me stick to exercising is to do it in the morning. If I get up and get it over with, then I don't have to worry about it for the rest of day. I don't know if that's practical for you or not, but you might give it a try. I'm usually pretty hopeless about exercising later in the day- I can ALWAYS find a reason NOT to do it! Good luck with everything- I'm sending 'good vibes' you way.
oh no! I hadn't realized the degree of stress you have been under. I knew it was stressful, but this all sounds way scary. I'm sorry. Keep us posted... I agree with New Kid -- this might not be the time to make lifestyle changes, but maybe it can help? It's probably more like it's important to be nice to yourself if you don't make choices you planned to make.
thanks everyone for the nice comments. I am so glad this blog is helping me process these things. I think you are all right - I'm still sort of going to try, but I think I'm just not going to set super specific goals and I'm going to be ok with not always being "good" about food and exercise.
Addy re: working out in the AM - since I live far from school and seriously have a hang up about showering at work, exercising in the morning has been less easy to do lately. When my apt is not a million degrees I can do my Tae-Bo DVD. I'll probably try and start that again soon because you're right, then it's just over with and the whole day feels better.
This is my first post here and I think that this blog is a marvelous idea. My husband and I have verbally committed to getting in better health and neither of us has done anything we said we'd do. I am keeping a paper journal of my food and exercise and planning a week of menus ahead of time and also writing in my journal about how I feel about the whole thing. But I can't get over this hump--I can't get started! I am very stressed out and sometimes depressed about a lot of life changes that have been happening, but I am also depressed that I have gained 15 lbs in the last year and have had to buy new close because I can't squeeze my giant butt into my clothes anymore! So I guess I'm just comiserating...
I just don't know how to treat myself better when I feel so bad.
Betty, remember: the thousand mile journey begins with one small step. Sure, it may be too much to ask yourself to completely change course, remake yourself in the midst of the tensions of life. But... there are many easy steps to take, each one, so exquisitely small, yet profitable, that you can celebrate a dozen (a hundred?) times a day. Leave over one bite (or two!) at each meal, take the stairs... walk up an extra flight than back down, instead of taking the elevator. Walk around the block, before going in to work or home. Do these little things, and pat yourself on the back each time. Then, it'll be easier to take the bigger step (gee, I've been so good about things lately, maybe I'll take a swim in the pool).
Berry, I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. I am with New Kid when it comes to the kitties!
Is there any way that you could go walking the the early AM before work? That way, it is not so hot outside?
Keep us posted and if you need to talk, give me an email!
AD - that's a good point, I do tend to ignore the small things and therefore miss a lot of truly positive things in my life. Maybe this will even be my goal for the weekend - take notice of the little things, allow myself to celebrate them
SS - I totally hate my neighborhood. It's dirty, there's lots of traffic and it's semi-dangerous (though I suppose that's only at night). Walking around here is totally unappealing to me. But the Tae-Bo DVD is not, so I'm going to give that a try. Thanks for the offer to email - that's very nice! I shuld remember to sign on to Yahoo Messenger more often, though the old IM parties seem to have stopped :(
Betty, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. What you write, however, about punishment and deprivation and about not knowing how to change your attitude, could have been pulled from my mouth. You're not alone!
Hang in there.
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