I went on a cruise at the end of February / beginning of March. Those things are Food Festivals. For one thing, I ate gigantic breakfasts, and I hardly ever eat much breakfast. We're talking croissants, fruit, bacon, multiple cups of coffee... some days I had eggs. Then lunch was total junk like pizza or burgers or generic buffet food. And dinner was a huge five course event every night -- appetizer, soup, salad, main dish, and dessert. Plus, you know I had a bunch of alcohol.
Needless to say, I gained five pounds on that vacation. And I don't have them any longer. It's sad that it took a week to gain them and a month to lose them.
I didn't exactly try anything to lose them. I exercise 3-4 times a week, but my diet hasn't been too limited, and some days I even eat more when I exercise, so it's not like the exercise is that helpful for weight. (I do remain convinced that the exercise helps my overall health, though, even if I am not losing weight.)
Today I REALLY did not want to work out. I threw myself on the bed and said that working out is my punishment for being this size... which is like size 14, but sometimes 16. I was full of the self-loathing today. I don't know why. I think it's because I don't like my new haircut, so it's like I am both large for my height and I don't think I have cute hair. Maybe watching the new season premiere of the Bachelor evoked issues with my appearance. I'm pretty sure it's fear of a conference I have next week freaking me out, too... as I will meet new people and give a presentation, and now I am sad about not looking cute enough for that event.
I did work out, though. It wasn't that bad. I went for 1.75 miles on the treadmill and 2 miles on the bike. That may not be much exercise, but it's a good amount for me. I need to learn to push myself better.
I also need to learn to accept my appearance as it is and not be full of self-hatred.
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3 comments:
Congrats on losing the weight and getting that workout in. It is a tough row we have to deal with.
Congrats on the weight loss! Use that to fuel your continued goals. Don't minimize what you have done. It's all good!!!
There are days where I am eager to work out. Since I suffer from chronic depression, working out is the best medicine. But, there are days where I just don't want to get out of my comfy clothes. I just tell myself that if after 15 minutes, I still don't want to work out, I can quit. Usually, it takes 10-15 for all the brain chemicals to start working and I want to keep going.
Good luck!
"I also need to learn to accept my appearance as it is and not be full of self-hatred."
I have been struggling with this for the past several years. While in high school and college I went with self-hatred which had, not surprisingly, unhealthy mental effects. In grad school I got depressed and stopped caring how I looked which I sort of thought was 'acceptance' but which could also have just been laziness. I gained a lot of weight. Maybe like 30 pounds? That's the wieight I'm carrying around now. Focusing on how I look at how much I don't like it is a burden but it also makes me do something about it. I want so so much to make some kind of major shift to thinking about working out like I do other things - as something fun or necessary for my health. Not as punishment. How does one do this?
yeah, I so feel you on this one.
But way to go on making yourself go to the gym anyway. I have been running with my sister in law (who I like). That's been making me go - I don't like letting someone down by flaking on a workout.
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