Another intro

Hi, folks, I just joined on to this blog, so I thought I should say something about myself and my own struggles with health and fitness.

Apart from a period of about two years in college, I have never ever been what you would consider athletic, and I never really quite knew why. I didn't look incredibly different from other kids, but I was always really, really bad at gym. I was always the person who came in last when we ran the mile, for instance (I decided this must be because I was fat, even though classmates who were clearly larger than I didn't have the same problems I did). Finally around when I started grad school I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma, which I'm convinced I've had all my life, which would explain why I sucked so badly at anything that required running around. It's very mild as asthma goes, but it does slow me down significantly when I'm not medicated. And I have very poor depth perception (one eye is extremely near-sighted), which rules out hand-eye coordination. Hence, I suck at sports, which is what health and fitness is really all about in gym class when you're a kid.

So, I grew up thinking of myself as someone who was just bad at sports/not an athlete (and by default, fat). I had a pretty decent metabolism until I hit my thirties, so I got away with eating junk/large portions and not exercising much without too many consequences. I'm 5' 6" (though I seem to be moving to 5' 7" the last time I was measured? let's say 5' 6 1/2") and heavy-framed, and through college I weighed between 140-150 (of course, I thought I was fat). Over the course of grad school I gained about 15 lbs or so, ending up around 165 when I started my first t-t job. I was there for four years, during which time I gained 15 lbs, and then lost about 7. When I moved to my current job, I gained the 7 back pretty quickly (the irony is that the summer before I moved, I was living on burgers, Taco John, and Dairy Queen, and stayed at the slightly lower weight; when I moved to my current town, which has MANY more healthy dining options, I gained the weight back. Crap). And then since about last January, my weight has crept up again, to about 187.

On the one hand, I'm big enough naturally that I can kind of get away with carrying a fair amount of weight without looking too terrible (though I could definitely look better). On the other hand, there are lots of things that I hate about being at this weight, and these last seven pounds have really made them much more obvious:

• outgrowing my clothes and having to buy new ones, in sizes I've never worn before in my life. (Although I do buy the new clothes, because there's nothing I hate more than feeling stuffed into my clothes, especially since I tend to carry my weight around my middle, and waists pinching you just sucks.)
• being out of shape and getting out of breath doing things normal people can do without difficulty (I especially noticed this dancing at my friend's wedding last weekend)
• this is gross, but: sweating more. I have reached some kind of tipping point where my cooling system kicks in at the slightest provocation - I sweat profusely doing yoga, I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat (remember, I live in the south), and as for actual cardiovascular exercise - forget it, I might as well just take a shower. While I've always been inclined to glow, so to speak, this is definitely worse than it used to be.

Anyway, I would really like to get back to 160 (or even 165). My problems are twofold: as I've said before, I dislike exercise (a lot of this is because of the logistics - when in the day to do it? because I sweat so much, if I'm going to be out in public again post-exercise I really have to shower and change, which takes up a chunk of time. Thought I know I make more of this than I should). And I loooooooooooove food. I have an insatiable sweet tooth, and an iron stomach that can take on a LOT of food before it feels stuffed/sick. Moreover, I have realized that I completely use food for emotional purposes - in fact, I would say that I self-medicate with food. Bad day? I need a treat. Good day? I need a reward. Boring day? Break up that boredom with food. In addition, I really like to bake - it's soothing and relaxing to me, and then I end up with a batch of cookies or a cake that I eat for dinner. Finally, I'm someone who needs to eat on a regular basis - if I don't get food every four hours or so, I'll get a hunger headache, and if I go long enough, eating won't get rid of the headache, and I feel like crap for the rest of the day. However, I'm not very good at making sure that the food I eat is actually healthy - if I'm hungry and there's nothing healthy in front of me, I'll happily eat junk.

So those are all the obstacles. What am I doing to try to overcome them? At the moment, a lot of wallowing in self-hatred and self-pity (why do I have to be built this way? why can't I be genetically programmed to look like Gisele Bundchen?), which is obviously counter-productive. I am trying to build exercise into my day, and to prepare healthier foods. Right now I think I need most to work on changing my attitudes - my ingrained ideas about what I should be able to do (i.e., eat what I like and not gain weight) - and think about how to approach food and exercise differently. So that's what I'm hoping this blog will help with. Thanks to Prof. Me for putting it together!